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Sunday, August 03, 2008 Meet Mrs. Redhead: We’re tying the knot (if the paperwork doesn’t kill us first)THOSE OF YOU FAMILIAR WITH MARRIAGE VISA PROCEDURES PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ “The Process” BELOW IF YOU CAN. WE NEED ALL THE ADVICE WE CAN GET. UPDATE: FANFAN IS NOW OFFICIALLY 毛太太 [MRS. MAO]. WE GOT MARRIED YESTERDAY, IN A LUSTRIOUS CEREMONY AT THE GRAND HALL OF THE XINZHUANG HOUSING REGISTRATION OFFICE. I’LL WRITE MORE ON THE “CEREMONY” ITSELF LATER (IT WAS QUITE FUNNY).
The Change of HeartI’m very happy to inform you that it’s official: Fanfan and I are getting married! (That’s not the change of heart, mind you, we’ve known for some time we were going to marry each other) She and I spoke the other night about the state of our existence, and, at one point in the conversation, she put it to me bluntly, “Aside from your Chinese studies, why are we here? What is it that we can do here that we can’t do in the US?” Her point was this: We’re both sitting here, stressed out of our minds over money because the jobs we want are much harder to find in Taiwan, and even when we find them, we won’t get hired because we’re planning on going back to the US for me to start graduate school.
Fanfan had a point. Not only that, though, I suddenly realized how much I wanted to go somewhere, knowing that I wasn’t going to leave any time soon – by that I mean years, several of them strung together, long enough to start a life for ourselves. Fanfan had flicked a switch, turned on the light, and showed me how tired I was, we were, of the stress and the uncertainty of our vagabond lifestyle. For some time now, we could take the hassles with a grin because we were young and we knew that what we were doing was important. Now, however, it feels like we’ve passed a certain threshold – that point where we seem less like a couple of dreamers trying to squeeze the sweet sap of knowledge out of the world and more like two people in their late twenties who still live with their parents, whichever continent they’re on. We now long for that moment when we land in the United States with the knowledge that we aren’t going anywhere for a while, that the boxes we unpack and the home we make won’t be put back in a pair of suitcases to move on to the next place. We’ve been together for about four years now, and we’ve barely spent more than one of those years on the same continent.
I’ve been to nearly twenty countries, made lifelong friends from all corners of the world, lived abroad four times – twice in France and twice in Taiwan – and, of course, met the woman with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. Together, we’ve been to about ten countries, learned and seen things that will stay with us for the rest of our lives. All this before my 26th birthday. I have little to complain about. However, all this moving around has its downsides. The stress of obtaining visas and living somewhere as a foreigner is daunting enough, but, as I mentioned, we also have spent less than a year in the same place, in most cases. As soon as we land somewhere, we get a moment to catch our breath, then it’s time to start planning for the next move, while simultaneously dealing with the demands of the present: work, bills, the law (visas, residency cards, etc.), and study.
The ProposalFanfan and I have known for some time that we were going to get married. However, I couldn’t do it without knowing that both of our families loved and accepted each of us and our relationship. It wasn’t until we had been together for nearly three years that Fanfan and I had the chance to go home and spend time with my family. This was a big deal for me, obviously, since most of my family and friends had never met her. Any number of things could have gone wrong, especially with us living with my parents (a true test for any couple). Yet, the last night we were in Charleston, I knew that the four months couldn’t have gone better than they had, as everyone who had come over for dinner raised a glass with tears in their eyes to make a toast to new and lasting relations with the girl who, for most of my family, had for years been little more than a name that came up in conversations about me. Leaving Charleston, I knew that it was time to get the ball rolling. I planned out how it would all work out: being a good Southern boy (1) I’d write to my parents and ask for their blessing in what I was about to do, (2) write to Fanfan’s parents asking for her hand in marriage, and (3) plan a wonderful weekend somewhere and ask Fanfan if she’d do me the honor of spending the rest of her life with me. Fanfan and my relationship has been quite stressful with constant moving and money problems (many that arise solely because we are not married), but I really wanted to give her one big moment that would totally blow her mind and she could point to and say that it was the moment we became engaged, even though the engagement itself would be no surprise.
So, with step two done (though I’m still in the process of writing to her parents), I set to writing to my parents and asking for their blessing, and in doing so I remembered how hard it was to write without a computer. I couldn’t just jot things down as I thought, then move them around later – a 21st-century affliction. In any case, I got my point across (I think). My parents and I spoke on Friday, and they are 100% behind us. Though Fanfan and I are planning this together, I still plan on making that weekend proposal in the quiet of the jungle somewhere in the mountains of Taiwan (by that, I mean staying in a lodge somewhere in the pristine mountains here), or something like that. There’s still a lot here in Taiwan that I’ve yet to see, and I’m hoping maybe we can head somewhere beautiful and I can dream up something that will be meaningful for her. I’ve got to find a ring too…
The ProcessUPDATE: FOR A BETTER IDEA OF WHERE WE STAND RIGHT NOW, SEE THIS COMMENT BELOW. TO SUM IT UP, THE IDEAL WAY OF GETTING BACK WOULD BE TO FILE “DCF” IN SEPTEMBER, WHICH, IDEALLY, WOULD GET US BACK TO THE U.S. BY DECEMBER. HOWEVER, IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP THAT MRS. REDHEAD CAN ENTER THE U.S. ON A TOURIST VISA, AND WE CAN FILE FOR ADJUSTMENT OF STATUS IN THE STATES. THIS WOULD TAKE LONGER FOR HER TO WORK, WHICH COULD BE A PROBLEM. Now, for the hitch: the marriage process. The night we decided we needed to get back to the US, we settled on Christmas as a good time to make our way home. That was before we consulted the United States’ guidelines for getting married to a non-citizen. Now, we don’t know if that will be possible. The first issue here is trying to wrap our minds around the terminology, which seem to be little more than random letters and numbers barfed up by a dying bureaucrat in the hollows of USCIS (I mean no disrespect, of course, to the kind sages at Immigrations who will be responsible for helping us make our trip back home a success). We’ve spent days now trying to figure out the differences between an I-130 petition and an I-129 petition, a K3 visa and a CR1, and which one is best for us. Here’s an example of the exhilarating passages we’ve been wading through:
Doesn’t get much easier than that, does it? So this is where we stand right now. It seems that getting married in Taiwan first will be easier than getting married in the US. Our options from there are getting a K-3 visa, which will allow Fanfan to come to the US while her I-130 (and I-129f?) petition(s) are being processed. However, the problem with getting a K-3 visa is that she’ll have to apply for “adjustment of status” in the US (I-485) which, if I understand correctly costs a whopping $1,010, and I’m not talking New Taiwan dollars!
That said, though, the woman I spoke to didn’t know for herself, and had to ask someone else. I’m not totally sure this is the case. Fanfan’s found accounts on different message boards from people who claim to have proven simply that they’ve lived here for a total of six months, and been allowed to file directly. So what I’d like to know is if anyone out there has any advice for us:
I really appreciate any help you could give me. We’ve been asking all over on forums, message boards, and AIT. We’re in a little over our heads here, so we need all the help we can get. About the pictures: A little while back, I decided to draw a picture a day for Fanfan. I wasn’t able to keep doing it on a daily basis, but I have kept it up. I draw about two a week. It’s sort of a compendium of all of our inside jokes and experiences. These are just a few that Fanfan scanned the other day. |
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The truth is, the only thing that’s been certain in our lives over these
years is our relationship. It’s the stable hum around which all of
the other distractions in world buzz, spin, and sputter.
Well, one night, some of Fanfan’s family was over, and we were all
talking. At one point, Fanfan’s aunt asked her what her plans were, and as
she explained that we intended to go back to the US for me to start my
graduate studies, her mother blurted, “Well, you’re going to have to get
married, then,” and suddenly I saw all of my well-planned intentions
falling to pieces as a conversations erupted in machine gun Mandarin that I
could understand but was totally unqualified to intervene in. They were
diving head-first into the details of our marriage, and all I could do was
think, “Wait a damn second. I’m supposed to talk to your parents first.
Stop!” Though my Chinese is getting much better, I certainly couldn’t
hold my own in this conversation.
There is also the option of using “Direct Consular Filing,” but as I was
told the other day at AIT, I won’t be eligible for DCF until I’ve been
here for six months. Even though I was in Taiwan for 15 months the
first time I was here and only left for four months, I’ve only been back
for two months. Moreover, I’m not sure when my “six month” count
starts, because I’m still on a visitor visa, as my work ARC is being
processed.