It is with very little pleasure I wish to inform you, dear readers, that I am the master of the universe. My lazertag scorecards confirm it. Said it right there on the paper, "Imperial Star Commander" or "Cosmic Super-Badass." Something like that.

This past Halloween, we participated in special lazertag competition down at the LazerTrek near Taipei Main Station. When we left about three hours later, I was covered in perspiration, buzzing with the knowledge that I am the master of our galactic destiny.

Notice all of the Frenchies around me, dry as a bone.

The story of my life.

Fanfan said she was shocked to see that I could move at the speed of light, something I try to keep on the DL. She said, as she made her way through the killing fields, she would see a green, hairy blur pass by and ask herself in disbelief, "Was that my boyfriend?"

I used to play lazertag as a kid, and I thought that the competition would be a sort of funny blast from the past, like playing Atari. Little did I know it's still damn fun........and that I'm totally awesome at it.

I've put it on my resumé under "Super Human Strengths."

If only laser tag were the answer to all of my problems......